My Very Sixth Newsletter

I just remembered a story from my early days as a comic that seems even more pertinent and chilling today than it was at the time.I had very good representation but had booked very little–maybe a commercial or two.  One day my manager called me with an exciting offer. A well known comic (who is even more well known today) wants to cast me in a movie he is doing for Showtime.  Showtime!  The closest thing I’d come to Showtime was playing a woman-in-the-elevator in an NYU student film.  I almost said yes before he described the role. “It’s a comedy and your character is intellectually disabled,” although he didn’t use that term.  Back then everyone used the R word.  I said,”Why did he make her intellectually disabled?” And he said, “Because that’s funny.”  I said, “Maybe, instead, I could play a dork. I’m so good at dork.” I am, after all, a dork.  My manager went back to the well known comic and then reported to me that the dork idea was a no go.  It took me about five minutes to turn down the offer.  

This seems like a really obvious choice now.  In the age of cancel culture and viral videos, that kind of punch down could easily go viral and ruin someone’s career.  But this was over 25 years ago. Back then it seemed the only obvious consequence to my taking the role would be putting Showtime on my resume.  Maybe that would open doors.  And the well-known comic might be able to give me more work.  But I couldn’t bring myself to say yes.  The well-known comic was merciless to me when I ran into him at clubs: “Hey don't you have a protest to go to?” He once screamed and then told all of his buddies about what a weirdo I was. 

The good news is that the film was watched by exactly no one.  I looked it up and it said that my character had been renamed “injured woman.”  The actress who played her seemed to have remained in obscurity.  

I think about this story now as I watch politicians and business leaders compromise all of their principles in exchange for a few bucks and a promotion. It’s really hard to be a hero. While U.S. Attorney Danielle Sassoon and her colleagues may have just given up the best jobs of their lives, they can sleep at night. And we all know how important sleep is.  Maybe if Mitch McConnell had done in the past eight years what he did in the past eight days, he could have avoided a bunch of falls, a concussion, a broken rib, a sprained ankle and what can only be described as a frozen face.   At the very least, we all would have slept better.  

Distractions:

Snacks:

Imagine the offspring a Cheez Doodle and peanut butter could produce.  That is the beauty of Bamba snacks.  You can usually get them from Trader Joe’s, but they are also available in less attractive packaging from Target and Amazon. Note that they don’t have any cheese or cheese flavor.

Movies: 

I was too depressed this week to watch anything that might sink me further.  Luckily there is a new Bridget Jones movie.  It was certainly good enough, but more importantly, I realized I had never watched the third Bridget Jones movie, the one where she has a baby.  I can’t believe that I’d never seen it, given that Colin Firth (along with Jamie Raskin) is my hall pass. Yes, watch the recent one, but don’t forget to watch the third one.  I’m now watching the second one again.  And by the way, I think Renee Zellweger’s plastic surgery is great and I want to be on record saying that. 

TV: 

I’ve been looking for a modern day Dickens-like show and am unable to find one.  Luckily, Amazon prime video platforms a 1981 mini-series version of Great Expectations. While some of the cinematography is clunky, the acting and the story are so good.  I highly recommend it. Cindy, my comedy wife, recommends everything on PBS.

Books: 

I fell in love with Taffy Brodessar-Akner’s writing after reading ten pages of  Fleischman is in Trouble.  That woman can pack so much in a sentence.  Her recent novel, really a family saga, Long Island Compromise is equally fun. Brodessar-Akner is so good at introducing us to seriously flawed people whom we find ourselves rooting for. 

Something I Learned: Our representatives need a little fire under their bottoms. There’s an app which gives you links to your Congress people and gives you scripts if you are too self conscious to use your own words.

So excited for Janeane Garofolo and John Fugelsang guest appearances on our next Ruthless show.

If you check out the comments to this week’s advice column, you’ll see that GeorgeCP wrote “this column is delicious breath of good-natured nastiness.”